One of the most fundamental and impactful disservices we do to ourselves is when we allow “I can’t” to be our default response. It’s this kind of automatic negative thinking that prevents us from knowing how we really feel about things. It limits our choices. It disconnects us from our potential.
Think of all the scenarios where “I can’t” might be the first reaction, before we’ve even had the chance to adequately consider whether we, in fact, can. (Or, perhaps, *might.* Or, at the very least, have a willingness to try – no matter the outcome.)
A friend extends an invitation to do something unfamiliar and unexpected.
A compelling position opens up at work.
A new love interest appears maybe a little too soon after trust has been broken to bits.
Anything, really, that starts the heart pounding.
In order to protect ourselves from anything that might go wrong, we say “I can’t.” It’s a defense mechanism. Risk management. A way of living that prevents us from getting physically hurt, or emotionally disappointed, or embarrassed or judged or vulnerable.
But it also keeps us peeking out from behind the window shades when we’re meant to be out exploring the world. And, sadly, we can’t feel the joy of grass between our toes if we never take off our shoes.
One way to move beyond “I can’t” is embracing the discipline to peer deep beneath the surface to see what’s really triggering our fears. And, then, once we get a feel for what’s really at the root, we can be more honest in our responses, such as:
“I don’t know how.”
“I want to think about that before I decide.”
“That feels too risky right now.”
“I’m afraid of getting hurt.”
Or, my personal favorite: “I don’t want to.”
So let’s not default to “I can’t.” Instead, let’s keep our options open and potential limitless – which can, in turn, reshape our choices, our circumstances, our whole reality, really.
And, over time, let us step firmly into our most joyful truth: “We can.”
