So I mentioned yesterday that the last couple months have felt like a thing after a thing after a thing: the sucky Great “Let’s Try Tapering Off Our Antidepressants!” Experiment, which let anxiety and depression rear its nasty head in a big way; a flooded finished basement wreaked havoc on my calendar, pocketbook, and sense of security; the ongoing growing pains that come with blending two families in a tiny li’l house, which, and I repeat, IS NOT FOR SISSIES; and, scariest of all, how hubby ended up in the emergency room with every symptom of a heart attack, which we think turned out to be a result of stress from it all but OMG still.
My friend Rosemary @thejoywarrior summed it up perfectly: When it rains it pours and there are not enough buckets.
And yet.
There are seasons. Life interferes for a while and then gets out of the way for a while. We get through. And, ultimately, EVERYTHING WILL BE OKAY.
Which is precisely the reassurance I needed when I picked up this Emily McDowell coffee mug as a memento from my recent visit to Seattle. (If you know me, on my coffee cup is where I’m mostly likely to see something repeatedly throughout the day. It’s my favorite accessory.) And the kicker line I saw – “OMG EVERYTHING *IS* FINE” – was just icing on the cake.
But OOPS. Apparently I didn’t read closely enough. The kicker line is actually “Everything is FUCKED.” Good one, Emily.
So how’d I make that leap from “fucked” to “fine”? A nice case of wishful thinking?
Nope. It’s because IT IS. Especially when we put on what Glennon Doyle calls “perspectacles.”
Yes, there was a flood in the basement – but that’s what insurance is for. Yes, a scary trip to the hospital – but also medicine. For the growing pains: family therapy. For my quest for emotional sobriety: meetings and readings and the wisdom of other sober people. For the depression and anxiety that can knock me off balance, there are meds and exercise and books and yoga and writing and meditation massage therapists and action therapies and behavior therapies and chocolate. Best of all, there are friends who sit and listen, who share tears and hugs, who send over kind and caring texts first thing in the morning, like this one from my pal Rachel.
In the truest calculation, I do believe that everything will be okay, and we’re only as fucked or as stuck or as miserable as we think we are.
So if you’re in it too these days, know you’re not solo and know there are seasons. And know, without a doubt, everything truly is fine. Because no matter what’s going on, when we peel back all the stress and uncertainty of a thing after a thing after a thing, we are fine because we are breathing. Because we have the capacity to create change and learn and do better and heal. Because we’re not just human and destined to experience all the trappings that come with it – but because we’re part God and therefore destined to experience all the beauty of that, too.
I love you. Keep showing up. Keep being honest. And, remember: everything is fine.
